This is the topic of discussion at work today...yes, sometimes we get deep while sitting at our desks, typing away furiously. Steve started the conversation by saying that you can't truly hate someone unless you loved them first. What a crazy thought - that I totally agree with. Hate is such a strong, and wildely overused word. I know I say it all the time when I don't truly "hate" something. "I hate that movie," "Ugh...I hate Applebee's," "I hate when young people drive grandpa cars". Yes...all of these things cause me displeasure. I've also been known to tell someone that I "hate" someone else, which I also believe is incorrect, as I can't think of anyone that I actually "hate". There are certainly people that I don't care for, people who I'd rather lay in front of a freight train before being in the presence of. But there is no one in my life who I loved...and now hate.
The best demonstration of this I can give would be in regards to my Father. If you know the story, you already know what I mean. If you don't know the story, picture this; world's greatest father, daddy's-girl through and through, a lifetime (or 18 years) of commitment to the relationship, a shot-gun wedding to an evil-step mother bride, and bye-bye daddy. Get it? It doesn't matter if you don't. The point is, I once loved my Father. I later actually had hate for what he had done to me. I now feel apathetic towards him...meaning - I feel nothing. I definitely do not love him, how could I at this point? I don't even know him, and haven't for about 5+ years. I also do not hate him, again, how could I? What is even to hate at this point? Someone who I do not see, do not know, who knows nothing of my life, who wants nothing to do with me? I feel nothing - finally - after all of these years of pain and strife.
You can also probably easily relate if you were in a relationship that ended badly, and ONLY if you truly loved the person. I can't feel this way with my ex-husband, because while I loved him, and still love him, I didn't love him in the right ways. I loved him just as much as I do now, as a friend, and as the father of my son. Therefor - I never went through a period of hating him. Not for one second. If you lost a love because of something that caused you to hate them, you may either still be in the phase of hate, which also carries anger, hostility, frustration, regret, etc. Or you may be privileged enough to get through that period and come out ahead...in the 'apathy' phase. Which really is where you ultimately should strive to be.
Just a little thought on these words/feelings...what they mean to me - and my hope, for you.
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