At Yet Another Crossroads...

I don't know what it is about life-changing events that makes me evaluate why I'm here, what is it that I'm supposed to be doing, what will truly make me happy, and how do I get there?

I'm certainly considering all of these things right now, and questioning what it is that I want to do with my life.

I have extremely mixed feelings about my job currently. I really love it - most of the time, and more importantly (and surprisingly,) I'm really good at it. I just had my very first annual review which they like to do 1-month prior to your 1-year-anniversary. Kathryn, my boss - seemed to be very impressed with my scores. Part of the review is based purely on numbers (performance and goals) - I scored 5/5 on all categories except for one, and I scored 4/5 in that category. The other portion of the review is basically how I perform as an employee - outside of numbers. Kathryn had some really great things to say about me and how successful she believes I am, and can become with this company. But do I really want to do this forever? That is something I'm unsure of. I know if I put my whole-self into this company, I could excel and be very successful here. I'd like to become a manager at some point and have my own team - I think I'd be a great leader here. I just don't know if its what I really want to do.

I also have had interest for quite a while in becoming an ultra-sound technician. Specifically for maternal-fetal medicine. I'd like to work for a company that assists women with difficult pregnancies because obviously its something that I've personally had a lot of experience with, and something that interests me. I feel like I would really feel good about myself as far as careers go - I'm not sure that I feel as confident as I'd like to, doing what I'm doing now. Being successful in my career, and being financially successful are both very important things to me. I'm not saying that I'm some money-hungry kind of person...and I know money isn't everything...but it sure makes things easier. I want my boys to be proud of their mom. I want them to set their goals high because mine were high.

I have such mixed feelings right now, that I'm scared to make any kind of changes. I don't want to regret leaving my job. It's a pretty sweet deal; I make really good money, have a flexible schedule, and have great benefits. I'm just going to marinate on all of this for a while...just putting my thoughts out there...